I am losing you forever，our Harry

Last Goodbye my Angle Harry

This was supposed to be another typical night I spent in a foreign country. The sky was clear, and I could see the stars twinkling. I took out my dog leash and wanted to take a walk with Harry like usual, but I stopped before opening the door. I put down the leash slowly. It’s been a week since Harry left me. I’m not getting used to not seeing him, whom I spent the past 13 years with. I miss you all the time, Harry. You are my child, my best life partner. When you were getting old, I had thoughts about how I should deal with the situation after you leave the earth. Would I be okay? I wanted to prepare myself when that date comes. Perhaps it was like what I experienced with the deaths of my old furry children, Qiuqiu and KangKang. I thought I would be okay, but I definitely felt differently this time. It’s way more overwhelming and painful, especially when I recalled what I had done with Harry in the past. I couldn’t stop crying. I wasn’t sure how I should share this news to friends on social media, so I decided to make a post to share some of my last memories of Harry to friends who had met him or read about him. I wanted to write about Harry. I hope he will not be forgotten. He is irreplaceable in my heart. To me, Harry is the best dog in the world. He always tried his best to make everyone happy. Harry was always cheerful and friendly. He liked to wag his tail and wanted his human friends to touch his head. If you do that, he puts his head in your arms. That’s his way of giving a hug. He is like an angel.

Harry knows me better than anyone else does in this world! He and I know each other so well that just by looking at each other, we could tell what each other wanted. This feeling is so special to me that I doubt I will experience it again in my lifetime. Harry won’t be next to me when I take a walk in the cold and dark evenings. I won’t see him waiting for me when I hike in the mountains next time. I won’t hear him “sing” when I play the flute in the future. He’s gone forever.

Harry became very sick when we were near the end of our trip in Canada. We were supposed to go to Africa next, but everything was canceled a few days before our flight. I still remember while we were cycling in the Salt Island, I took Harry out from my bike. He could hardly move his feet and lift his legs to pee. At first I thought he was just exhausted and tired from being in the bike with me for a long time. I cooked some meat for him that evening and he finished everything with his dog food quickly and happily. He seemed better and was able to walk again the next day. I made many stops for him to rest since that day. I was hoping to let Harry have more rest when we cycled to Victoria. We spent 3 days at a friend’s house in Victoria. Harry seemed to recover as he was able to eat and drink like usual. We walk to the beach multiple times everyday. We watched beautiful sunsets together. I remember that one evening, Harry stood in a corner and watched the sea by himself quietly for a long time. I was looking at him behind him. Thinking back, I think that Harry might know he was near the end of his life at that time, but he didn’t want me to see his sadness. It was a beautiful evening with a bright moon and lots of stars. I will never forget that night. That was the last time we walked to the beach together.

When we were on our way to White Rock, Harry became very sick in the tent. He often rolled over and couldn’t sleep. He vomited and had diarrhea. I could tell that the problem is more serious than I first thought. After we settled down at a friend’s backyard, I took him to a vet. The vet decided to run some tests on Harry and gave him some medicine for the stomach. Unfortunately, Harry had experienced a seizure after taking the medication. He was in a lot of pain. Finally, the vet sedated him and asked me to take him back to let him rest.

Next day the vet shared Harry’s blood test results with me. Harry had kidney failure, and the vet is also concerned with his heart and pancreas. I remember I felt so depressed after leaving the vet’s office. I don’t want to lose him. This dog spent his whole life with me. I wanted to save him. I don’t want him go. Finally, I took Harry to the animal emergency hospital. The vet checked on Harry and told me that Harry was very, very sick. There was nothing they could do to help him get better. Indeed, Harry was already very strong and tough because he’s experiencing a lot of pain. The vet suggested me to consider putting him down to ease his discomfort.

It was probably the most difficult decision I had to make in my life. I couldn’t accept the truth. I wasn’t ready to let Harry go, and I wanted to see if there would be a miracle. Harry stayed in the animal ER for a day. I remember seeing his skinny body there. He was so weak. I visited him every few hours and he was still conscious. He still tried to stand up to run to me. My heart broke to pieces. When I was walking out of the hospital, I saw a couple with two puppies. I looked at the puppies and asked if I could pet them. They reminded me of the first time I met Harry and how he was 13 years ago. I tried very hard to hold my tears. I went to the park and cried. I wish Harry was standing next to me at that moment, but no, he’s at the end of his life.

I left the hospital with Harry the next day. We went to a friend’s house in Vancouver. At that time, Harry was no longer able to walk or move. You could only see a faint blink in his eyes. There was no miracle. My friend shared some of the stories about his furry friends from the past. I needed to accept the truth that this is the end of Harry’s life and made a plan. Harry loves hiking and climbing. He enjoys being free in the wild. We spent a night at a big farm in Nanaimo and then went to Vancouver Island.

Harry passed away in the morning on September 7, 2023. I lost him forever. Life will never be the same. I remember putting my hand on Harry’s heart, and it was not beating. He was lying on the floor quietly and peacefully. He’s gone. How could things change so quickly? We were cycling happily together a week ago.

I went to the forest where Harry and I had a walk together the last time. My original plan was to bury him there, but when I recalled all the great memories we shared together, I changed my mind. I don’t want to leave him in Canada. I wanted to continue traveling with “him” and go home together. I contacted an animal cremation center. Before I left the center, I stared at Harry for a long, long time. I know that’s my last time seeing him in my life.